God's Doing Something Big!

On Mother's Day 1995, I gave my life to Christ. Have I lived a perfect life since then? Heck no! Have I totally rejected God since then? Yep, it's happened before. Has God given up on me? Nope, so I ain't giving up either.

Every Thursday night, a friend and I lead a lifegroup for young women who are desiring to live a pure life. And when I say pure, I don't just mean with our bodies.. but with our mind and our soul as well. So last night, I debated whether going or not. I had so many excuses I could have given. "My back hurts." "I'm exhausted." "I'll have to leave early anyways." ... the list goes on. But I knew I needed to be there. I felt God wanted me there. Of course, God would want me there the night I really didn't feel like going. But the past month had been taking a toll on me. I was having a very depressing couple of weeks. I wasn't seeing God move in my life at all. Nothing was going right. The world was all against me and I was honestly beginning to see no point in living. Simply put: LIFE WAS A LIVING HELL FOR ME.

I ended up going to group anyways. I waited for God to speak to the girls that night, but realized He was calling for my heart. "I'm the co-leader.. this group isn't for me to grow but for me to help other's grow." But as always, God knows better than me. He knew I needed to hear His voice right there.. during group.. in the home of my best friend. I heard Him and felt Him ever so clearly.

It's funny how at times, we as humans, can think we know more than God. We may not verbally say that, but our actions show it.

Guys...Men...Mmmm. Let me just say that God is pretty darn magical to create a gender so attractive! This isn't something I just started believing in Jr. High.. this is something I've believed for as long as I can remember. People may say, " Well Steph, look at your past.. it makes sense why you struggle with guys." That was an excuse that would have been okay when I was a little one. I'm not anymore. I'm big enough to wipe my own bottom and wash my own hands. So yes, I have always struggled with guys. GUYS ARE AN EXTREME TEMPTATION FOR ME. So I finally had gotten to a place where I said you know what God, I'm not going to date anymore. I really thought I could just give up "dating" and simply be "friends" and everything would work out groovy. Hah! WRONG! As a girl that struggles with men, you CANNOT be JUST FRIENDS. When it's something that is such a strong temptation.. and you place yourself right in front of it. They'll reel you in. You say it won't happen.. but just watch.

So anyhow, God had pointed out that I still OFTEN communicated with the other gender. I text them, Facebook them, text them, text them, text them.. something that seeed so innocent was actually messing with my inside. In all honesty.. every guy I had in my phone (excluding pastors and family) had either had feelings for me or I for them. God knew what He was talking about. I was trying to walk the path with one foot in and one foot out. Let me tell you.. it doesn't last long till you find yourself stepping both feet to one side (either good OR bad).

Last night I obeyed God's command to me. As soon as I got home, I began deleting the men from my Facebook. The first couple of guys were easy.. but then I began getting to guys that I had been open with.. that I had shared certain things with; guys that I trusted.. guys that I liked. It wasn't easy.. I cried like a baby. I felt like a piece of me was being ripped away (that itself shows it was unhealthy). To help remind me of what I was fighting for, God showed me a picture of my future wedding day and the joy that came with it. With that picture in mind, it was easier to click the delete button on my Facebook and on my phone.

God's about to do something amazing in and through me!! May sound selfish, but I.D.G.A.R.A..

I believe my stomach ulcers will be healed, because I am choosing to trust in Him. I don't have to worry. Period. Though they have always been, the little things, big things, and everything inbetween, they are all in His hands and are His reponsibility. There is nobody more powerful to place your trust in than The Creator Himself!

I'm excited to see what's to come! ((: It's gonna be GOOD!

I pray you help me through the journey. Encouragement and affirmation are welcomed. I can't do this alone.

I want to point out two more things and then I'm done:

~ Proverbs 27:17 - You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another.
..I'll need all the help I can get!

~ "A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her."
..I'm not going to be an easy girl. You're gonna have to fight for me!

To My Future Husband:

Baby, I'm fighting the good fight and will win! You are worth it and I love you dearly!

Your Future Wife,
Stephie Cruz